So a couple of days ago, I was just mentally congratulating myself on blogging every day and I must have jinxed it....fell asleep at my laptop last night. I was just going to carry on, like someone tripping in a party and acting like no one saw it, but I was called out on it! This is very cool because (a) it means the page statistics aren't wrong and some people are actually reading this and (b) someone missed it! Very cool! Like I said, this journey I'm on may not be the exact journey others are on, but everyone has gone through or is going through hard stuff, so it resonates with everyone.
Anyway, yesterday was horrific....hottest day of the year, so my measly window unit was plugging along as best it could but we still pretty much just laid there and tried not to have a heat stroke. So almost nothing got accomplished- one load of laundry and three meals, that's it.
Today, as soon as I woke, I pulled my leg back in the blanket and then it struck me....it's cold in here! Whoo hoo! Sometime overnight the temps had gone down almost twenty degrees to a tolerable 80-something, so the A/C running full blast had made my bedroom deliciously chilly. So today was serious job hunting time....I'm hoping I do get selected for that fellowship, but either way I need a job in the meantime/until I begin or if I don't get selected. So I applied to at least a dozen jobs before I noticed a listing alleging half of those jobs were scams...*sigh. It's hard looking for work two states away on the internet. Finances are particularly tight right now, so looking at moving, getting a new place, getting all the utilities, etc...there's a lot of cost, so I'm stressing big time right now.
I have 19 days until I move....weird feeling. I've been here eight years and now that I'm so close to the point of leaving, I kind of have this desperate, wild-eyed want to stay here and pitch a big tantrum..."No! I don't wanna go! I'm not going!" Even though I will have friends and family close, it's going to be very hard to uproot and start all over again. Not to mention, all personal drama aside, this area is just beautiful...it can be downright enchanting, really, when it's sunset and you're the only person on the beach for at least a mile and suddenly, a dozen sailboats burst out of the marina for their evening regatta, their bright white sails crisp against the burnt orange and pink sky and mirrored gray-blue of the water....it's just achingly gorgeous. Something in me resonates with beauty, with quirky, cobblestoned streets and centuries-old bookstores cut into niches just blocks from a harbor, and many southern towns (the ones inland, anyway) don't exactly have aesthetics very high on the priority list. It's entirely selfish and weird and insane to be inwardly pouting that I'm moving to a place that's not as pretty as the one I'm leaving...right?
Anyway, I have to keep reminding myself that this isn't "it"...this dry-walled apartment won't be my permanent home, it's just a stepping stone until I land a great job (or write that bestseller) and can afford a home with a gigantic yard for my messy, untamed garden beds overflowing with veggies and flowers and a quaint little town nearby where I can buy flowers from a old woman with a dog in her shop, have a conversation with an actual bookstore owner, and have coffee in a delicious-smelling, brick-walled independent coffee house (these places do exist, you know! Boone, NC, downtown Norfolk by the water, Williamsburg...). Until then, I gotta suck it up and do the apartment thing and focus on nailing down that great job. So....hi-ho, hi-ho, it's back to Monster I go..and Indeed and Jobs.com, hi-ho, hi-ho!
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