'Muricans need to travel abroad...

I think every American needs to be forced to travel abroad immediately upon graduating high school.  See the world. Figure out that we are NOT the center of the universe and there are vastly more beautiful and complex cultures out there. Traveling in my late teens was the best thing I've ever done....it gives you a unique worldview that is absolutely unattainable from watching a video of Rick Steves walking through some Italian village....go through the village yourself.  Ask for a loaf of bread...in Italian.

Try and figure out how to pay for something in lira in Romania.  Spend a day in Switzerland eating nothing but chocolate in various forms. Order a drink, say it wrong, and sheepishly drink it anyway.  Eat a salmon in a restaurant right on a dock in Scotland...where the fish was just caught that day. Oh yeah, when you're in Scotland, don't act like a wuss- eat the haggis...you'll be glad you did. Buy a street kid in a third-world country a pastry from the nearest bakery and watch a tow-headed 8 year old walk away with your heart and a fist full of chocolate croissant crumbs.

Eat with the locals. Eat in their homes. Don't question what it is, just enjoy and be grateful. Attend a wedding, the entire village following an open horse-cart carrying a blushing bride as it winds its way through the small streets. Don't be led by fear...walk with the locals as they tread through a labyrinth of armed soldiers to simply attend church, and then watch as those soldiers slam the door to the church and threaten elderly women with beatings if they don't leave. Take it in. Think of going to church in America. Take it in and think.

Turn a street corner in Zurich and let the Alps unfurl in front of you and positively take the strength from your knees. Wade through the sky-high sunflowers in fields across southern Romania, many planted there, according to locals, as an act of defiance against communism post-revolution.
 Look how happy we are....we've got ten acres of sunflowers.

Walk among the stones of Stonehenge. Stand where Roman gladiators stood. Swim in the Danube River, laughing and playing soccer on the beach with local gypsies, until the men with machine guns come and chase you away. Crawl in caves beside glistening waterfalls. Hike on trails that curve among the highest mountains and end in the clouds.

Pray in a Greek Orthodox church. Pray in a Jewish temple. Pray in a mosque. Pray in the biggest cathedrals in the world and pray at small roadside stops for monks.  Pray as you walk down dusty roads that used to be herding trails for shepherds. Pray as you see orphaned children living in the ruins of bombed out buildings, and when your fever breaks 104 and you're shuddering deliriously in the cheap, mismatched sheets of a motel in a place called Turnu Margurele and a local priest presses his withered hands on your stomach and prays aloud in a language you don't realize, in your fevered, painful stupor, is Latin...and then you awake, fever broken....pray the most fervent prayer of gratitude and humility.

[Don't drink the water abroad unless you're positive you can.]

Talk with locals. Let them play their music for you...it will be one of the best moments of your life. Watch them dance, and join in.  If you are invited for dinner, and as you walk up and see a large wooden table set up outside with various lanterns and torches set up, flowers strung up in the trees, you stop, take a moment to pause and remember this, because it will be forever etched into the soul of who you are.  You'll be there until the wee hours of the morning, eating, drinking, dancing, singing, laughing, and you will never forget it. Make sure of it.

Learn. Listen to stories of war. Listen to jokes. Tell them your stories and your jokes. Contribute to the cross-pollination of culture.

Do all of this, and then come back to America and TRY to have the same mindset you had before.  You can't.

Little boys viewing porn...

Recently I heard the extraordinarily disturbing fact that most boys are first viewing porn at nine years old.

My jaw dropped.

My son is eight. I'm not ready for that shit. And neither, may I add, is he. Not even close.

What disturbed me the most is the fact that these boys' parents are allowing availability of such material. Your kid may or may not still believe in Santa (mine does...he's got two younger siblings..I can't afford to have him blowing the cover)..what on earth makes you think he's ready for porn?? If there are any dads reading, I've heard from a guy or two that this is a "high-five" moment- catching your son watching porn for the first time. I think even you would agree it would be better for this moment to occur when the kid's in high school, right?  Can you high-fve your son for watching porn and then drop him off at elementary school the next day?  Seriously?

I could make this a very, very loooong blog post by enumerating the various psychological reasons it's very unhealthy for such young minds to view porn, but you can read those studies, etc. here, here, and here.

I think we (as a society) need to address the issue. When I recall the best sexual encounters of my life, they are ones that occurred within the bounds of a good relationship. The element of trust, respect, intense emotional intimacy manifesting in physical intimacy, those all made for way better sex than a ten minute fling. Maybe that's a female thing, but from the studies that have been coming out more and more recently, it's not. Men also experience better sex within a relationship (whether or not they admit it around their friends or only during an anonymous survey).  And on that note: when was the last time your greatest sexual encounter looked anything like a porn? Mine don't.

I'll tell you now: if a man treated me, touched me, and/or talked to me the way the men talk to women in porn, I'd be out of that bed and out of that house so fast his dumb ass wouldn't know what was happening. Sex isn't about degrading, dehumanizing, violence (however subdued), it's about mutual attraction and respect of boundaries for a mutually pleasant experience. So if your kid grows up watching this shit and then treats his first girlfriend that way, it's going to go one of two ways:
1. she will walk, nay, probably run away from him and tell all of her friends what a skeezy perv he is.





2. she will allow such an experience to begin to define and shape her sexual experiences, leading to a lifetime of frustrating, humiliating sexual encounters trying to reach unattainable, inhuman goals of "sexual gratification" for men.
Wow. Wouldn't you be a proud papa. Your kid's either a skeezy perv or training a future stripper. Sweet.

Use some common sense, parents. There is absolutely, positively, unequivocally no reason for an 8, 9, 10, 11 year old to have private access to a computer with internet access.  Put that shit in the living room and watch what they're doing on the internet.  If you don't have time for that, you don't have time to be a parent and you should probably send your kids to join the circus or some shit because you damn sure aren't doing your job. Put parental blocks on your computer and actually check that shit from time to time to make sure they're not bypassing it. Again, too time consuming?  Shut the fuck up and be a parent.  I am honestly shocked and appalled that any parent would not monitor their child's internet use, but apparently it's happening a lot.

Another thing- be honest.  The first time your son (or daughter) approaches you and asks what a dick, nuts, tits, etc. are, be honest, use scientific terms (trust me, we've approached the use of the word "testicles" in my house already), don't laugh, but don't act like you're talking about nuclear physics, either. Don't make it a super-serious conversation as that might stress them out, make them uncomfortable, and they'll quit coming to ask you because they don't want to get a lecture every time.  If you're cooking, keep cooking. If you're reading the paper, look up for a sec, say, "That's the word for breasts, and it's probably better all around, if you don't want to offend someone, to just say breasts," and go back to reading your paper. It's life, it's nature, and they need to know, but they don't need a sit-down lecture every single time.  The "sex talk" is a one-time, sit-down, 'grab a Coke cause it's gonna be a while', conversation where you lay it all out on the table. Until then, only answer what they ask and nothing more.

Don't be this dad...

Don't shame your kid. Curiosity is normal. But don't high-five your 8 year old for finding YouPorn, either...shut that shit down.  Tell him in no uncertain terms that such material is grossly inappropriate for his age and he will not be viewing it in your house. (This is called, in old-school-parenting lingo, Putting Your Foot Down....it's OK, you can do it- your precious baby boy will still love you.) If you care about your son, the material he puts in his brain and the way it quite literally affects his brain development, and about the health of his future relationships (as in, you want him to bring home a decent girl and not a string of emotionally damaged women who will wreak havoc on his life), then you do this for him.

Get your 9 year olds off the computer and out in the yard with baseballs, people. Come on. Our generation has fucked a lot up, but we have the power to produce a new generation that's more evolved, wiser, healthier, and better prepared to handle the world. We grew up when the internet was a new thing and we (along with our parents) were just figuring out the limits, rules, guidelines for navigating the information superhighway.  Well now we know.  Use your knowledge, your power, and your love for your child to make wiser decisions than those before us. Evolve.

~m

Why would that be in a fashion ad?

So anyone who knows me for pretty much any length of time knows that I'm a pretty vocal feminist.  I realize the topic is divisive and uncomfortable, which is where my social skills come into play when I ruin an otherwise pleasant banter around a fire-pit or other gathering of friends by not being able to keep my mouth shut when someone mentions something or says something that I recognize as misogynistic, or perhaps just ignorant.

Whoops.

A few things I just won't tolerate in my presence (and usually means I don't hang out with that person ever again): hate speech, towards any group, and women-bashing speech.  So many men, particularly older ones, feel that it's perfectly OK to make fun of a woman- her appearance, her intelligence, her job performance, etc.- in the company of others, including other women.  What the hell? Beyond the respect from one human being to another, you could even pull from the antiquated notions of chivalry and bite your tongue. Or you could just be a decent person and not degrade someone else in front of others.

Yet what's a girl to do when she turns on the TV (which I don't do any more), flips open a magazine, skims the ads in the borders of her browser, drives past billboards, and sees some of the most offensive messages to and about women?

"Oh, you're overreacting....crazy feminist." you say. Take a look at these ads....do they make you feel comfortable? Or make you want to buy these products?

                 **

Chime in...comment, message, email, etc.

**Credit to Scott Lukas at www.genderads.com

Boys asks out girl. Girl says no. Boy tries to kill girl.

Read this story this morning on a 15 year old boy attacking, beating, and choking a 14 year old girl when she  turned down his advances.

Now...OK, what the holy hell?  Fifteen years old? And a girl of fourteen?  I had my first crush and my first kiss when I was fourteen. I cannot imagine being violently attacked by a boy my own age at that time in my life. I just can't wrap my head around it.

I admit, I always go this route of blaming the parents. I do. Guilty.  But at fifteen, much of your character development is owed to two sources: your parents and school.  Typically, schools are good to enforce the word "no".  If your teacher says no and you flip out, you get sent to the principle, get detention, ISS, or OSS.  There is an immediate and tangible consequence.  With many, many parents (more and more, from my viewpoint as a parent), "no" is an optional word in the home.  If you say "no" and your toddler flips out and you allow it, and by allowing the behavior I mean give in and give them what they want, you're not helping your child. And you're basically producing a brat who is one day going to be a six-foot-tall, 200 pound man who can't take the word "no".  Gee....thanks.

It's very, very hard to be a parent.  No one ever claims it's easy, particularly with an insistent toddler who will ask the same thing over and over and over and you want, you really, really want to just say "yes" so she or he will stop begging.  Yet any parent worth their salt knows that sometimes you have to stand firm, that allowing your dear one to eat Sweet Tarts at 7 am before being dropped off at preschool would probably result in a phone call from an extremely pissed off preschool teacher at 10 am when your child is going berserk all over the classroom and refusing to settle down.

The word "no" is a very real part of life, and just like your child needs to learn to pee and poop on his own, how to tie his own shoes, how to eventually wash his own clothes, cook for himself, balance his own checkbook, so he must learn, and as early as possible, how to deal with the word "no" and how to process rejection.  As a parent, you're a coach in this whole process, and if you want to shirk your duties, the rest of us will eventually want to punch you.  Just sayin'.

I'm not saying I'm perfect nor are my children.  In a very crowded public park on Saturday, my dear five year old, who elected to skip his nap that day (much against my advisement), finally reached his breaking point and positively screamed at me in front of dozens of onlookers (all because I wanted to hold his hand so he would stop teetering on the edge of the rock wall by the pond that was about to give him an algae-and-bacteria bath). But I stopped walking, stared at him, and didn't keep moving, didn't back down, until he stopped acting like a lunatic, got with the program, and got away from the pond.  I also threatened (and I back up my threats...they are not empty and the kids know it) to take away his Wii.  I didn't give in and allow him to jump in a filthy pond because his 5 yr-old mind thought it was a good idea.  No!

It was embarrassing, and I'm sure there was some self-righteous mom looking on thinking, "Oh my gosh, what an awful mom." So perhaps, this 15 year old boy's mom is out there, horrified at what her son has done....yet 15 year olds don't get to attack others because they didn't take a nap.  By fifteen, you should pretty much be in control of your faculties.  You should have a fairly decent grasp on anger management and appropriate boundaries.  And, of course, there's always the possibility this kid has some kind of mental illness/behavioral issue, but then again, that should be recognized/diagnosed/treated by that age. But since nothing like that is mentioned in the article, I'm fairly certain this kid just doesn't comprehend the word "NO".

I have customers who come in Starbucks all the time, and their kids (young...like 3-8 yrs old) start whining the second they walk in, and these parents make me sick...."Well, what do you want honey?  You want a frappuccino?  OK, OK, no, don't fuss like that. Don't whine baby...we're almost there. There's a lady ahead of us, honey...oh, ok, I'll push her out of the way like a roller derby girl to order you a 600 calorie, sugar-and-caffeine-laden drink that's vastly inappropriate for your age so you'll stop whining."  Seriously.  OK, they don't go all roller-derby, but damn near it...all to appease their sniveling kid and give them caffeine (facepalm) instead of telling them to shut up and no, they're not getting a coffee drink that's not appropriate for their age and no, they don't hold the purse strings and so no,  they're not getting a $4 frappuccino, and no, whining and screaming louder and louder won't result in a cake pop......but they don't.  They give in. Except one time...a grandmother told her 2-3 year old granddaughter to hush her mouth, she wasn't getting anything because she didn't ask nicely, and when she began screaming, she turned right around, got out of line, took the little girl to the bathroom, came back with a red-faced and subdued child, got back in line, ordered her own coffee, and the chastised girl didn't speak a word.  I mentally high-fived the grandmother, because sometimes, as a parent, you have to lose your place in line.  Hang up the phone. Stop grocery shopping.  Stop walking in the park. You have to stop what you're doing (ahhhh, the kicker for one of the most selfish generations of parents ever) and parent your child.  It also means respecting your child's needs enough to know better than to plan a trip to the store during your child's nap-time and expecting them to behave.

All the parents out there, practice with me. Raise your tongue to the roof of your mouth and say, "nnnnnnnnn" and then lower your tongue, round out the lips, and push it out.."oooooooo". Quickly now! "No!"  Three times in a row! "No, no, no!"

It's OK to say no.  It's one of the best lessons you can teach your child...how to deal with NO.

Rejecting "Traditional" Marriage...

So I read this article on same sex marriage threatening "traditional" marriage, and I agree completely!

I've done the "traditional" marriage thing.  I've had the husband who expected me to clean, cook, do 100% of the household work, raise the children, and all of this was regardless of my employment status (so even when I had a full-time job, I was expected to maintain the home and work, while he was only expected to work).

Never. Again.

I will never again enter into a cohabitation situation with a partner where we are not equals, in every way, shape, and form.  I don't mind working; in fact, I like supporting myself, I enjoy having my own career, and I find it fulfilling.  Therefore, if we are both gone during the day, don't expect me to come home, make a full dinner, clean up from said dinner, clean the home, wash the laundry, and tend to the kids while you watch TV with your feet up.

Can't stress enough....Never. Again.

Men now should be more evolved than that. It's only common sense, really, to recognize that if both parties are working, both parties should share the home work load equally.  That's one of the responsibilities of being in a relationship as well, and if you don't want that responsibility, stay a bachelor and live in your own filth (because it only logically follows that if you don't want to clean when in a relationship, you didn't clean before one, therefore your home must be pretty filthy). Women aren't there to provide cleaning services when in a relationship.

So, no, "traditional" marriage values don't really work for me, either.  I'm not submitting to any man, for any reason, period, and I'm pretty appalled that the words "submit" and "authority" are even still used in reference to the man/wife relationship (this just opens the doorway for abusive situations- obviously there are men who will abuse such authority and inflict mental, emotional, and physical pain upon their wives simply because she was taught to "submit").  So call me a radical feminist...I don't care.

All women should expect equal treatment at this point in our societal evolution.  We pay the same for our education, we should demand equal pay, equal respect, and equal opportunities in the workplace, and equality in personal relationships and in the home should be a given.  I refuse to even date any man who is not at least this evolved- I've wasted enough time of my life fighting patriarchal men.  People should be partners in a relationship- encouraging one another's success, sharing the familial responsibilities equally (bills, cleaning, maintenance, etc), and then sharing the joys of life equally (not one party going to play golf while the other is doing laundry and cleaning the house), as well as challenging one another, realistically keeping one another in check, and supporting and facilitating one another's goals and dreams.
                                                 
With all that being said, yes, I can totally see how "traditionalists" can't wrap their heads around two women (being so frail and incapable of caring for themselves, ya know) or two men (both being strong, independent providers) can happily live together.  That does threaten traditional values, but then again, I guess so would my strong, independent relationship with my chosen partner... you know, the one who encourages my career, encourages my independence, does his own damn laundry, has his own successful career, and is capable of dating an independent woman without it threatening his manhood (in fact, I think he really digs it).


The use of the word "traditional" carries with it a comfortable, homey connotation, when in reality, these are ties keeping us bound to a by-gone era, one many women (and men) have fought tirelessly to eradicate.  For many, "traditional values" hurt: they cause people to abuse one another in a frustrating attempt to control another human being...men controlling their wives, parents controlling their gay children, ministers controlling their congregations, politicians controlling constituents [in policies some,and maybe most, of those constituents would never agree to], and they cause rifts, deep rifts, in our society.  Families torn apart, divorce, children disowned by their parents, parishioners leaving churches and wandering without spiritual leaders, angry and rebellious constituents who feel betrayed by their government.....all because of these so-called "traditional" values.  Time to move on, people.  Evolve.  It's high time for a new age of post-traditional values that actually work for our time.

US Food Aid...Too Little, Too Late?

So I saw this article, and it brought up some good points and reminded me of others...

http://www.npr.org/blogs/thesalt/2013/04/04/176154775/a-political-war-brews-over-food-for-peace-aid-program 

So, the US is spending lots of valuable time and resources gathering food here, packaging, and shipping it out. This raises some problems...
Time. Sometimes it's getting there after people are dead.  Too late. You lose.
Resources. It's a safe and reasonable bet that fewer resources could be used by sending groups to harvest local food sources, or at least closer to the situation, and send food from nearby.
The actual food.  We're sending food that's indigenous to our nation, food that we are familiar with.  I had no idea this was a problem until I met a young man from Africa while an undergrad at ODU.  His family lived in Africa in a refugee came for years.  They got big bags of grain....which they had no way to cook.  Very few families had pots, regular access to fire, water, etc.  So pretty much....they were eating raw grain, and fighting for it.  There was never enough.  He said they quite frequently shredded the canvas bags in came in, as well as cardboard boxes some of the supplies came in, mixed it with the grain, and ate it all.  No shit.

So there's that....read the article, think, contemplate. Any solutions come to mind?  Post em in the comments! Start a discussion...share, link, etc.

                                  

When do feminists need to back off?

So a friend made an interesting post this morning about Saudi women now being able to legally ride bicycles.

Um, yeah...just the thought that riding a bike is a social advancement for some women in the world...wow.

But....what if some women didn't want to ride bikes?  Like...seriously...felt it went against their religion, their propriety, whatever?  Obviously that doesn't mean it should be illegal for any willing woman to ride a bike, but there's a point I'm trying to make.  Sometimes, from our "advanced" position, women like me can't fathom a woman who willingly, knowingly, makes the decision to submit, to honor her religion, her family, her husband, by being subservient.

Some feminists simply cannot wrap their minds around this one.

I think we've all seen this cartoon by now, so let's examine it:

I've had this general concept floating around in my head for quite some time, years in fact.  I grew up in a home that was more gender equal than they would dare admit.  My father picked us up from school, cooked most of our meals, did a lot of cleaning, and was never the "macho" type.  My mother had a great career, worked late evenings, had her fair share of meetings while Dad stayed home with us, and wasn't "feminine" in this new Botoxed and bleached version of the word. She's classically beautiful with modest style, minimal makeup, and simple clothes. Yet she was, and is, a minister's wife and has no problem slipping into that subservient role, even as a woman with a graduate degree, retired from a very successful career, with hobbies and interests all her own.  What?

Perhaps, and I'm coming to the realization more and more, perhaps this is a different plane of enlightenment.  There are women who know about gender roles, who know the history of oppression behind them, and yet, from an informed place, make the conscious decision to follow religious (or just personal/societal) customs, subjugate themselves to their husband's (or religion's) control.  Mind. Blowing.

So let's explore this phenomenon.

As a feminist pretty much surrounded (by choice) by feminists in the 21st century, I'm constantly looking out for the oppressed woman, doing my best to help them find their voice.  What if....their voice has been found but they don't want to be heard? Make sense?  What if they are happy, fulfilled, and satisfied being the subservient in the relationship, or by being a homemaker?

I recently had an embarrassing and shameful experience. After a woman who has repeatedly trolled my posts, articles, etc. with comments about gays made the comment, "Gay is a choice. That. Is. All.", I blasted her (that I don't regret), I copied her comment and reposted it (still, no regrets), but I made the observation about a "housewife" having the qualifications to make such a statement on the psychological state of all gays. Here I call myself a feminist, and I shame a woman for choosing to be a housewife.

That's embarrassing.  And wrong, wrong, wrong.  I do NOT regret making her comment public, I don't agree with her comment, but I was wrong to place this societal name-tag of "housewife" as a shameful thing.  For all I know, she does have a PhD; her status as a housewife doesn't preclude that possibility.  So I engaged in the ultimate oppressive language, particularly from one woman to another, and that was wrong.

So when we, educated, liberal, outspoken Western females, look at cultures in which a woman's place in the religious and home life has been set by hundreds, sometimes thousands of years of tradition, can we back off and respect the women who knowingly make the decision to fulfill their roles in their culture?  To admit that we can't conceptualize ourselves in such a lifestyle but still respect their decisions?

Recently the city of Paris attempted to outlaw burqas [purportedly for security reasons], and some Muslim women staunchly refused and protested the law because they asserted it was their chosen religious right to wear their burqas. Western women couldn't wrap our brains around the fact that these women weren't oppressed, forced kicking and screaming into their burqas, but put them on every day reverently and solemnly as an assertion of their religious right.  Sure, sure, there are women who don't want to wear them and shouldn't be forced to, but we have to understand that, just as many American women who follow conservative Christian teaching succumb to the authority of their husbands and male religious leaders, there are women in every culture and religion who knowingly submit.

So at what point are we in a post-feminist society? Will there ever be such a thing? So long as Middle Eastern cultures do force women into submission, so long as the Congo is using rape as a weapon of war, so long as fundamentalist Christian men are beating their wives behind closed doors and churches remain silent to the abuse epidemic, so long as rape victims are being blamed on college campuses, then we still need to push for full female equality.  I don't think we are anywhere near a post-feminist society, not even close.  But I think we do need to take a step back and observe that some women make a conscious, informed decision to follow certain cultural and/or religious traditions which we perceive as too submissive, and that that's ok.

Throw in your thoughts, observations, etc.  Feedback always, always welcome and loved.
~m

What is a modern feminist?

Listening to an interview with Tina Fey on NPR this morning as I was driving John to school, I thought about how much I admire her, not just for being a great comedienne and actress but having the guts to be openly and hilariously feminist.  In an almost "post-feminist" society where many feminists of the '60's and beyond are seen (and dismissed) as radical, crazy, closet lesbians with a hatred of men and sore shoulders from carrying that huge chip, there's a certain resistance among younger women to classify ourselves as feminists.


Then along come women like Tina Fey, who throw that word around like candy and revel in it!  She loves her feminist comedy, she remarks frequently on it and cracks jokes that level the playing field, subtly (and sometimes overtly) pointing out the absurdities in our society.  She high-fives our society's hard-hitting winners like Hillary Clinton and take back ownership of previously derogatory terms like "bitch". Take a listen:


Part of my obsession with Tina Fey stems from the fact that she does not take herself too seriously while still taking the subject matter very seriously.  She advocates tirelessly for women's rights and has no problem being seen as a proud, blatant feminist while still being a very active player in the Hollywood scene, putting her in a uniquely prime position to comment on our society and have the platform and visibility to reach millions while doing it.  She's no fawning Hollywood actress, however. She doesn't shy from speaking at political and activist events.  Here's a clip of her commentary on the definition of rape that shows just a bit of her passion and her fire- while still making jokes and keeping the tone light, her anger and disappointment is crystal clear:

So what inspiration does that give us, the third-wave feminists who were raised by moms with careers, cared for by fathers and daycares, who now stand outside state capitols to fight the legislators who think we'll stand by and ignore the attempt to revoke ground gained by Roe v. Wade, among other issues?  It shows us that you can be beautiful, smart, successful, witty, and call yourself a feminist.
You don't have to wear Birkenstocks.
You don't have to burn your bra.
You don't have to forgo makeup and pretty clothes.
You can revel in your femininity while demanding respect for your gender.

There have been countless women throughout history who have progressed the cause of women's rights but many have been expressed through artistic creation, mainly writing. Women began to shed light on their misery and unhappiness as far back as the 15th century with the publication of authors' Christine de Pizan and Anne Bradstreet's groundbreaking protofeminist writings. By the time the suffrage movement was officially in swing in the late 19th and early 20th century, dozens of female authors had introduced some level of feminist thought to most educated women in the world.

Women today, like myself, still struggle with the continuing themes of balancing motherhood and career, romantic ideals and equality in intimate relationships, and conveying a sense of proud ownership of our feminist status in the world. While not every feminist is regarded as a "radical" nowadays, the word does still carry a hefty weight in sociopolitical conversation.  With legislators and politicians nationwide circling back and taking a stab at deconstructing decades of women's rights, for which second-wave feminists fought tooth and nail, risking imprisonment and social condemnation, it's just as important now, if not more, that those of us who consider ourselves in the ranks of modern feminism rise up and stand firm for the rights of our neighbors, our daughters, and all women.

Do you consider yourself to be a feminist (this goes for men as well!)?  If not, why?  Do you agree or disagree with modern feminist thought and theory (that women should have equal pay for equal work, that reproductive rights are inherent civil rights in a free democracy, etc)?  Please comment below, share to your friends and colleagues, and start a conversation!

Silver Lining on Iraq? I think not...

In re: http://www.nytimes.com/2013/03/20/opinion/the-silver-linings-of-iraq.html?_r=0

As I read this article by The New York Times' John A. Nagl, I found myself shaking my head. Looking for a silver lining after ten years of war...I can see that. I can see the need for seeking something positive to possibly, maybe, slightly justify the loss of those 4,400 lives.

I'm sorry John, with all due respect, I don't see it.

Late one night, after taps, I'm lying on my rack in boot camp and I hear a girl say, "I heard something today....we're at war, y'all."  Metal racks creaked and groaned as everyone sat up, looking around, trying to identify the voice in the dark.  The tousle-haired girl from New York, hard from the streets of the Bronx, was the only one lying still, staring at the ceiling.

"I heard on the TV at the commissary.  We declared war on Iraq. They're sending troops." Her voice almost sounded dead, monotone and flat.

We all tried to process what she was saying.  Here we were, being trained for battle, and war was beginning.  Holy. Shit. Three days went by with all of us having our personal nightmares, visions of Red October and scenes of the USS Cole with a 40 foot hole blown wide in her hull.

Finally, the base chaplain was sent around to each division to inform us in person.  Yes, we were now at war.  Yes, this changed the game. And yes, we were now warriors. When we left this facility, there was a good chance, particularly if we were being trained to be corpsman or gunners mates, we could be sent to fill out Army or Marine forces. So yes, we could have our boots in sand, in a combat zone.

We were given the unique opportunity to walk away right then.  A recruit had found out on his own and decided to jump the back fence, a high brick wall, and was hit by a train making his escape.  The Navy wanted to avoid any more of those tragedies, so we were given a one-time only walking pass, good for 24 hours.  I never thought about leaving. I did think a lot about dying.

For all my concern and worry, I actually never spent more than a few scattered weeks in any desert. I was never in direct combat, not even close. Most of my time in the military was spent behind doors layered with lead, vault doors, processing and sending classified messages and documents, closing the filter behind the eyes to what I was seeing and reading, just passing it on, passing it on.  I didn't feel the neck-snapping jerk of my truck running over an IED, I didn't experience the phantom pain of a limb blown away, and I didn't look in the eyes of a brown-skinned child pointing a gun at me.  That was for my friends to experience. I waltzed my way through this war managing to avoid all personal injury.

The rest of the military wasn't so lucky. Over 4,400 deaths....young men and women, tattooed and salty-mouthed, listening to Lil Wayne or Rascal Flatts on their iPods when their lives were ripped from them. The very people we shared locker rooms, classrooms, parties with in high school....dead. For a search for weapons of mass destruction that proved to be one of the biggest shams in military history.

And you find a silver lining in that?

Absolutely not.

The one quote with which I heartily agree is this: "But there have been two such wars over the past decade, and the all-volunteer force has come through these crucibles of blood and fire with enormous distinction."

You're damn straight we did, John.  You're damn straight.  We stayed.  When given the opportunity to walk, as I'm sure most boot camp facilities did that first week, we stayed.  We went into the face of unknown terror, kicking down doors in a foreign land, our minds twisted with the atempt at understanding the oppressive and violent religion that seeped through the very oily sands of the country, seeing women, children, and the handicapped used as bait, bombs, and murderers. 

How can you make a distinction with Vietnam except that we did not exercise the draft?  So these men, hiding in sand bunkers, burying IEDs laden with rusty nails, screws, and shrapnel, sending forth children in explosive vests, my generation faced these men voluntarily.  Our nation didn't need the draft because we kept coming. We kept facing it, deployment after deployment, time after time, month after month, the horrors mounting, and doing it all only to return home to a military medical system that wanted to ignore the realities of PTSD and send us home to our husbands and wives- the men and women who would try to heal us with their words and love but receive only brutality and chaos.  Families ripped apart, shredded, children left fatherless as soldiers, marines, sailors, walked away to settle into their life of eternal, exquisitely private torment.

Where's the silver lining in that, John?

There isn't.  The first lesson you cite is a lesson to politicians to not push our nation into unnecessary wars. They had the opportunity to learn that lesson in Vietnam.  You know the saying that those who don't heed history are doomed to repeat it.  We did.  To the tune of 4,400 lives.

The second lesson you cite is one to the military: about being underprepared for a "different" kind of war and failing to recognize the importance of language and culture.  We were unprepared to fight religious extremists, extremely young men being told that this was a religious war and that salvation awaited them for their dutiful service to their nation.  You can't fight that.  

And finally, the third lesson I've already pointed out- that our nation has evolved past the need for a draft, as demonstrated by a supply of willing, young, healthy men and women volunteering to fight.

But I'll tell you John, I don't know if that last lesson will stick.  The stories we pass on to our children are ones of disillusionment, horror, and shame.  We volunteered, yes, but for what? For the glory of securing oil?  For the advancement of political ties? To destroy a nation's culture under false pretenses and then attempt to "rebuild" them into America 2.0, nation of proud people from an ancient culture, one that didn't particularly need "saving"? To have the arrogance to assume the actions of a few extremists defined a nation and demonstrated a "need" for our help and interference?

I don't know if our children will be so willing to volunteer for such a task.  They've seen their fathers broken and changed. Their mothers cold and distant, eyes glazed over while staring into an unseen dust storm of horror. They've seen the cruel ramifications of this war, one which went largely unnoticed by the astoundingly selfish and uneducated American public who demanded more celebrity and entertainment news than caring which city was being seized or which American soldier laid down his life that day.  Never has the American media been so willing to gloss over and ignore the real atrocities of war than during the past decade, and that is shameful.

I can't find the silver lining today, reflecting back on my time in the military and that of my friends who are now forever and horribly changed. Who have picked up their dead comrades' blasted body parts. Who now wear silver legs. Who have puckered scars of stolen bullets shot from the hands of children. Who wake up sweating, screaming, at the eyes of the families they murdered under orders. I was insanely lucky to have been spared those experiences, but we all weren't and for us, there is absolutely no silver lining- there is a decade of a nation's mistakes. Ours.

Steubenville Rape....Solitary Incident or Sign of the Times?

http://www.underthegunreview.net/2013/03/18/henry-rollins-comments-on-steubenville-rape-verdict/

So, after days of staying away from the Steubenville rape story, I've decided to throw my thoughts in the mix because...well, everyone else is. And because, well because I can relate.  Let's plow ahead.

Over ten years ago, I was an undergrad at the University of South Carolina.  My freshman year we were "voted" in the top ten "party schools" in America by Playboy magazine, and videos of our riotous partying were broadcast by ESPN as our football team had a crazy Cinderella season after years of losing entire seasons.  Life was good, crazy, hectic, and for a wide-eyed innocent from small-town South Carolina, it was a lot to take in.  I was raised in a conservative, religious, traditional Southern family and had never been exposed to heavy drinking.  Which, of course, meant I walked around my freshman year nursing a bottle of Captain Morgan like a drunken sailor.

Fraternity and sorority life was the apex of the social scene at that time.  To be "seen" at the right Delta party could land you "friends" and party invites for the rest of your college career (which for some, was spanning 7, 8 years). Although the pledging thing wasn't for me, I had enough friends in the scene that I was always tagging along to some fete or another, sipping warmish Bud Lights, taking shots of whatever liquor was there,  taking a hit of the joint going around.  No big deal...college life.

One day, a guy...gorgeous Sigma Chi senior invited me to go out to Five Points with him after class.  Tall, tan, gorgeous smile...of course I said yes. We met up with a group of his friends, tall, lithe, athletic, tan beauties, men and women alike, and began drinking at a local bar, the Cock Pit.  He was buying and bringing me my drinks.  I was being reserved, sipping instead of chugging, sticking to one kind of drink and not taking shots.  I wasn't looking to get sloppy drunk. However, after only two small mixed drinks I was seriously feeling super drunk. I was thinking about what I ate that day and chalked it up to not eating enough, but was beginning to feel unwell and kind of wanted to go home. I didn't want to embarrass myself in front of these people by getting sick or something.  Right then, he seemed to notice and looked really concerned and asked if I wanted to leave. I said that I didn't feel very well, and he said, "Well, a bunch of us are heading back to our house and you can just lay down until you feel better," and brought me a bottled water from the bar for me to sip.

I was fresh from a small town, naive, dumb, and had never heard any warning against any such OBVIOUS line.  I was getting increasingly nauseous and dizzy, so I was grateful to be with such a caring, sweet guy, and said yes, sure, that would be great.

I think you can all surmise what happened from there. I won't go into detail, but by the time we got to his house and were walking inside, he was having to guide me as I was damn near having double vision and indescribably dizzy- more than the drunkest drunk I've ever been.  He proceeded to, with cold, calculating actions, take me to his room, take off my clothes, and go from there.  It was surreal. Like an awful movie.  I threw up in a trash can right beside his bed, and his friends' laughter was audible in the hallway.  After I left out the back door, I can't describe the shame I felt. A friend picked me up  a few blocks away after I called her, and she didn't ask a question but took me to my dorm, brought me lots of water and crackers, I guess assuming I was just  super drunk. I didn't tell her, didn't tell anyone, thinking there was no way that was a "rape"..it was just poor decisions on my part. I didn't know what a roofie was or what date rape was....I had never been educated.  And only recently am I discovering that many, many of my friends and associates experienced a similar situation in college or even late high school.  Like....a shocking percentage of women just count it as a ticker in their personal timeline to have been sexually violated.

I tell this story (which is the first time I've told anyone, by the way....just put that out there) to indicate that this is a long-running, deeply rooted societal problem.  Women are walking vaginas, walking sex toys.  This is a deep and prevalent problem, one so sick and so vile that most people would rather turn their backs on their sons' internet history of porn and stack of Hustlers to have the tough conversation with that child of what sex is truly about. What respect is truly about.

I'm not going to sit here and preach abstinence and love and all that. We're biologically created to mate, reproduce. If you want to wait for marriage and all that, fantastic! That's a wonderful and admirable goal.  Others are going to go a different path and allow themselves a bit more sexual freedom, and I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with that, either.  But sex has to be taught, instilled, as a part of a healthy, respectful, mutual interaction, with neither sex being dominated or the dominator.

The boys, these football players, involved in this story, had obviously never been taught these lessons.  More disturbing than the guys who actually performed the rape were the dozen or so young men sitting around allowing this to happen.  THAT is disgusting. THAT is disturbing. THAT is unacceptable.  Even after countless studies showing the damage done by boys and young men watching pornography, it still is rampant and readily available to any child with an internet connection.  Pornography (and I won't go into this in great detail, but I've done quite the research and written papers, etc.) has been proven to rewire boys' brains, to condone violence against women, causing a dehumanizing of the entire female population and a subtle but pervasive theme that men are superior and women are lesser, there to be choked, spanked, tossed about, and then disposed of.  Watching a series of what would be considered "average" porn clips (not bondage, BDSM, anything like that) in a documentary, women are routinely choked (or the man's hand placed on or around her neck), flipped around, tossed about, slapped on the but, breasts are violently handled, talked to in a demeaning manner, subjected to humiliating and degrading situations, positions, and comments, and then walked away from after the act.  This sends a clear and pervasive message to boys and young men watching this that this is the role of women: to serve, to please, and then to disappear when a man's needs have been met.

Many call pornography a harmless entertainment.  Perhaps that's true for a man in his late 20's or up who has  a normal sexual appetite, a healthy respect for women, and can clearly view such material as entertainment (although it kind of sickens me that such a man- one with said respect, etc.- could view a woman being dehumanized like that and be turned on by it...but that's a different discussion), but boys and young men whose sociological ideas and structures are just being shaped can't make that distinction and begin to take on those messages as fact and truth.

It boils down to responsibility in the home.  I hate to blame the parents, but on many levels, these parents grossly failed their children.  Allowing them to engage in a partying lifestyle more suited to young adults in their early 20's than children in their mid-teens, not properly supervising their social interaction, not questioning their whereabouts...these are all parental failures.  When raising a teenager, you're not supposed to be terribly popular. You're not supposed to be a friend.  You're closing in on the back nine of giving your kid the tools they need to become a successful adult....it's probably the worst time to try and be their "friend".  You can be their friend when they're hitting their stride in their mid-twenties and are getting life figured out. When they're fifteen?  Not friends. Parent and child. Authority. Rules. Structure.

I don't know what else to say.  A young woman was raped, and now, thanks to the behavior of this town, etc., the whole country knows it.  Her life is forever changed, just as my life was forever changed and that of all the other young women I know who have been fondled, grabbed, touched, and raped at the hands of society's pretty boys who thought we were there for their amusement. What's done is done....her life can't go back to before.  The boys are in juvie, where they'll probably let this "disgrace" fester and fester until they develop a real and true hatred for women.  Sad to say, but this is typically the end result of criminals incarcerated for crimes against women...they become repeat offenders, domestic abusers, rapists, etc, because they feel they were targeted and victimized by the women they assaulted.

It starts at home.  It all starts at home, just like many of the societal issues that plague us. We have got to stop teaching girls how not to be raped and teach boys how not to rape.

Ticketing homeless for eating trash?

Stumbled across this story this morning, and it made me sad:

http://www.alternet.org/hungry-homeless-man-ticketed-digging-through-trash

A homeless man was ticketed for digging through garbage cans to find something to eat.

What....I mean...where are we going as a society?

Why didn't the cop grab him a $1 burger at a local fast food joint?  Or drive him to a shelter or soup kitchen? Or, I don't know, just leave him alone?!?! He's already at a low point in his life...
oh wait! oh wait! Did I mention he's a NAVY VETERAN?

O.o

Where's the political rage?

So.....those of you who have been real-life or Facebook friends with me longer than a year know that I can get pretty heated over political topics.  Like....downright mad.  In fact, when I created this blog, I made a whole page called "The Mire" for just such rants. Aaaand that page hasn't had an entry in months, almost a year, in fact.

I have found that, for me personally, ranting about politics is akin to holding a burning coal and expecting someone else to get burned (yes, I stole that from Buddha). Politics is a dirty game for dirty men and women, or at least men and women who know how to play the game.

The very idea of democracy involving every single citizen is idealistic but pretty much fails in execution in a massive nation. There will always be the disenfranchised, the unheard voices.  People screaming in CAPS LOCK at each other on some internet forum isn't going to do a thing.  Perhaps my more recent studies of Buddhism and Hinduism have made me more peaceful, also, and less willing to engage in a hostile tete-a-tete with some staunch conservative.  I'm not willing to absorb their negative energy for some pointless debate.

That doesn't mean, however, that I won't go out and protest for the things that are wrong. That never changes.  I protested DADT....it was repealed.  I protested for more rights for military same-sex spouses even after the repeal of DADT, and the DoD has now approved benefits for those families.  The social machine is conducive to change if you are willing to shut your laptop, go outside, grab a protest sign, and get in somebody's face. There is a place for writing and advocating in that sense, but the need for boots on the ground, so to speak, is far greater.  Instead of yelling at someone on a comment thread on Facebook, go find an organization that's working on that particular issue and volunteer. THAT is what truly brings change.

Protesting Do's and Don't's...

Hi friends!

So I found this story this morning...
 [http://www.cnn.com/video/?hpt=hp_t2#/video/us/2012/05/15/dnt-wtmj-all-you-can-eat.wtmj
...a guy who's "protesting" an 'all you can eat' joint because they *gasp* cut him off after eating enough fish for a family of 9....so he comes back with a "sign" made of cardboard with "POOR BUSINESS PRACTICES" written in ink pen and begins protesting.  Upon attracting media attention, it comes to light that he actually has a running tab at the restaurant, one which has not been settled, and, oh yeah, he admits they have amazing pizza.

OK, there is so much wrong with this picture, so we're going to look at what makes a successful protest.

1) Make sure it's a worthwhile cause.  I can't stress this enough...protest everything that upsets you and you'll just come across as a flake in your community.  Did the chick at Subway stiff you on lettuce?  Not worth it.  Did the chick at Subway utter racial slurs while flashing her swastika tattoo?  Probably worth it...but not until you've taken the proper measures (more on that later).  Don't go picketing businesses/organizations for no reason or for a really dumb reason- if the media turns up, it will be negative press for you, not them.

2) Cover your bases.  Yes, the sidewalk is public domain, but that doesn't mean you can just set up camp there and start protesting.  Check with your city and get the proper permits for amplified sound (if you're using a bullhorn) or permit to assemble (if it's more than a few people).  If you get arrested before the media arrives, it will be like you were never there.  Don't waste your time and energy.  If you're looking to get arrested, call the media first and inform them of what you're doing and why.  Issue a press release FIRST (because, ya know, you can't from jail).  Trust me, if you send a press release and let the media know first, they'll be there....they like arrests.  If you're going to this extreme, it better be something big (see #1).

 3) Give them a chance first.  Before you go postal on the chick from Subway, contact corporate first.  Go through their processes...give a statement, allow them to investigate...if she isn't fired or at least disciplined severely (OK, if she's flashing swastikas, fired is probably the correct choice here), then go ahead with your protest.  But it's completely unfair to the company to give them tons of bad press if you don't allow them to take reasonable measures first.  Definitely follow through, though...if you truly were offended, don't let it go because other customers may also have had the same experience.  It's only through people speaking up that practices like this are removed.

4) Go all out.  OK, so you've contacted Subway corporate several times and gotten blown off.  You've checked with your city, gotten whatever permits you need, you've picked a date and time, now what?  First, rally some troops.  Reach out to friends and associates who might also be outraged over someone being discriminated against.  Act quickly so it's still relevant...try to gather as many friends as possible in about a week.  Don't look like homeless people spazzing out. What do I mean?  Let's not tear up a cardboard box and write on it with ink pen.  Dollar Tree, people, Dollar Tree.  Get some actual poster board, sharpies, and stencils....all sold at Dollar Tree.  Make your message clear, large, and neat so it can be read from far away and on news cameras. Speaking of the news, issue a press release!  Most news channels and newspapers have contact forms on their websites...take a few minutes and submit forms to each site telling them when and where your protest is and a brief run-down of why you're protesting.   Take the extra second to use proper grammar and spelling...you want to be taken seriously.  Speaking of being taken seriously...

5) Take yourself seriously.  If you were seriously offended, enough to go through the four steps listed above and STILL fired up enough to protest, then force others to take you seriously.  Don't dress like a bag lady.  I'm not saying you have to wear a suit and tie, but you want people to listen to what you say, right?  Even wearing a T-shirt with your protest info neatly stenciled on it makes a better impression than wearing a ripped flannel shirt.  Don't engage in arguments with bystanders or employees at the protest...focus on why you're there.  Have a statement prepared for the media so you come across as articulate and reasonable.  If you were offended by a statement or slur, stick to the issue- don't get into side discussions about other matters.  Nothing ruins an activist's work quicker than someone looking like a whacko, ranting and raving on the six o'clock news and a chucking reporter signing off....there goes your cause and your credibility.

6) Know when to fold.  Even if you've made the trip to Dollar Tree, even if you've made your press announcement and are in the middle of stenciling your T-shirt...if Subway's corporate office calls and informs you that their internal investigation is complete and the employee has been fired, do the right thing.  Call it off.  Don't give a business bad press when they've rectified the wrong.  Notify the press of what has happened and call off the protest.  Just forming a public protest page on Facebook and gently dropping the hint to the corporate office of the business (like posting a link to the protest page on corporate's FB wall) is enough to make them put their investigation in high gear and push it through.  It takes balance in believing in yourself and knowledge of the offending situation to know when to raise a stink, and then knowing when to let it go and realize it's been resolved. 


The story of the "all-you-can-eat fish man" is simply ludicrous, but there are instances in which a protest is totally called for.  If you want to be taken seriously and have a situation rectified, take yourself seriously.  Take your First Amendment right (and inherent responsibilities) seriously.  I'm all for a good protest, for the right reasons. 

Oh, and if protesting isn't your thing, then get off your ass and VOTE for the right elected officials who will do the right thing in the first place.

~m

    

Civil liberties....going bye bye?

One of the comments...."In a nation where peaceful protest becomes impossible.
Violent protest becomes inevitable."

I'm inclined to agree.  You can't target your own citizens and expect it to be OK...it's one of the first benchmarks of a facist regime, instilling fear and using that fear to target your own citizens under the pretense of "protecting" the rest of the citizens.  NOT COOL.

http://www.pbs.org/wnet/need-to-know/the-daily-need/are-we-becoming-a-police-state-five-things-that-have-civil-liberties-advocates-nervous/12563/

Meet Bob, the Bigot.

Here's why...I don't like Delegate Bob Marshall.....

First of all, most recently he successfully blocked openly gay Richmond prosecutor, Tracy Thorne-Begland, from appointment to a General District Court judgeship in the city.  Nevermind that Thorne-Begland was a veteran (which is more than Marshall can claim...he never served) and has at least made an effort to protect and defend our citizens.....a discriminatory and now-defunct policy prohibited his furthering and completing his military career.  So Bob Marshall, a man who never wore a uniform or stepped up to defend our nation, feels that he should further humiliate and debase Thorne-Begland by refusing to allow him to pursue his CURRENT career ambitions of, again, serving the public.  Good job, Bob.

Delegate Bob Marshall is an anti-public school, anti-women, anti-LGBT, anti-progress right-wing fanatic who has proudly and persistently shoved his personal conservative Catholic views down the throats of Virginians for nearly a decade.  But if you don't believe me, here's HIS word on it (without links to the actual text of the legislation, of course....he wouldn't want you to actually READ the verbage of the laws he forced through): http://delegatebob.com/issues/human-values.

Bob Marshall is in the pocket of lobbyists and there is no doubt that he is handily pushing their agenda for his own personal gain.  His involvement with ALEC (American Legislative Exchange Council) is a testament to his willingness to cater to corporate America rather than what's best for the people.  [If you'd like to find out more about ALEC, you can click here: (http://www.alec.org/) or here: (http://alecexposed.org/wiki/ALEC_Exposed)....but most importantly, take a look at their "Private Enterprise Board": http://www.alec.org/about-alec/private-enterprise-board/ ...oh, my... O_o.

Here are a few of the bills Bob has sponsored in our fine state.  Instead of pushing for extra money for public education, he suggests that we just give poor people scholarships to go to private schools.  He wants to PROHIBIT the EPA from regulating greenhouse gases.   He thinks it's OK for the poor to go without health insurance.  And, along with hating the gays, he hates immigrants. 

Oh, and he's the cause of the "In God We Trust" phrase to be displayed in public schools AND for the mandatory parent counseling about the effects of divorce on children before being granted a divorce.....you know, so wives who are victims of domestic assault and have the courage to finally divorce their husbands can be told how much they are going to ruin their children's lives to do so. 

I'm also kind of confused about what Bob actually DID for a living before jumping into politics.  His website tells where he went to college and grad school, but then just says he collects lots of books and likes to lift weights.  Imagine that, an overly educated jock floating on someone else's money while harassing others for a living.  Sounds like Sigma Chi would love to have you, Mr. Marshall... a grown frat boy.

Listed below are the bills he sponsored or cosponsored; you can make your own determination from them.  As for me, having a public official whose lists of "Awards" includes one from the "Holy Family Academy" doesn't give me much faith in our local government.   It's time to vote these bigots OUT!  Register today and VOTE, VOTE, VOTE!

HB 1843 (2007), HB 1164 (2008), HB 1965 (2009), HB 2314 (2011): Education Investment Tax Credit

This legislation, which has been repeatedly introduced by anti-public school advocates, would create a tax credit for businesses that donate to scholarship funds for low-income students to attend private elementary and secondary schools.
 

Ø 2007 sponsor: Delegate Christopher Saxman

Ø 2008 sponsors: Delegates Saxman, Athey, Cole, Lingamfelter and Peace

Ø 2009 sponsors: Delegates Saxman, Athey, Cole, Lingamfelter and Pogge

Ø 2011 sponsors: Massie, Greason, Howell, A.T., Abbitt, Albo, Anderson, Athey, Bell, Richard P., Bell, Robert B., Byron, Cleaveland, Cline, Cole, Comstock, Cosgrove, Cox, J.A., Cox, M.K., Garrett, Gilbert, Habeeb, Iaquinto, Ingram, Janis, Joannou, Landes, Lingamfelter, Loupassi, Marshall, D.W., Marshall, R.G., May, Merricks, O'Bannon, Oder, Peace, Pogge, Poindexter, Purkey, Robinson, Stolle, Villanueva and Wilt; Senator: Obenshain

Ø Status: did not pass

HR72 and SR 29: Resolution opposing EPA regulation of greenhouse gases

This model resolution from ALEC was introduced in at least 8 states in 2011. The resolution memorializes Congress to adopt legislation prohibiting the EPA from regulating greenhouse gases. James Morefield, who sponsored the Virginia version, “took the EPA resolution verbatim from the ALEC website after it had been presented to him by the coal industry.” (LA Times)

Ø Sponsors: Delegates Morefield, Bell, Richard P., Carrico, Crockett-Stark, Edmunds, Johnson, Kilgore, Marshall, R.G. and Phillips, Senators Puckett and Wampler

Ø Status: Failed

HB 10, HB 722, HB 576, SB 417, SB 283, and SB 311: Virginia Health Care Freedom Act

This bill prohibits penalizing residents for failing to obtain health insurance coverage. ALEC touts on its website that this legislation has been introduced in at least 38 states. This legislation has served as the basis for standing in Attorney General Cuccinelli’s lawsuit against the federal government over the Affordable Care Act. The U.S. Court of Appeals for the 4th Circuit threw out Cuccinelli’s suit, ruling that the Virginia Health Care Freedom Act did not provide him standing to sue. (Sources: ALEC, Washington Post)

Ø HB 10 Sponsors: Delegates Marshall, R.G., O'Bannon, Abbitt, Anderson, Athey, Bell, Richard P., Bell, Robert B., Byron, Carrico, Cleaveland, Cole, Comstock, Cox, J.A., Cox, M.K., Crockett-Stark, Edmunds, Garrett, Gear, Gilbert, Greason, Howell, W.J., Hugo, Iaquinto, Ingram, Johnson, Jones, Knight, Landes, LeMunyon, Lingamfelter, Lohr, Marshall, D.W., May, Merricks, Miller, J.H., Morefield, Morgan, Nixon, Oder, Peace, Pogge, Poindexter, Rust, Scott, E.T., Sherwood, Tata, Villanueva, Ware, R.L. and Wright; Senators: Colgan, Hurt, Martin, Newman, Obenshain, Ruff, Stuart, Vogel and Wagner

Ø HB 722 Sponsors: Delegates Peace, Byron, Cox, J.A., Landes, Nixon, O'Bannon and Purkey

Ø HB 576 Sponsors: Delegate Cole

Ø SB 417 Sponsors: Senators Vogel, Hurt, Martin, McDougle, Newman, Obenshain, Smith, Stosch and Stuart

Ø SB 283 Sponsors: Quayle, Martin and Vogel

Ø SB 311 Sponsors: Martin; Delegate: Bell, Richard P

Ø Status: The several bills were combined and passed

HB 2332: Determining the citizenship of arrestee

This legislation would require law enforcement to determine the citizenship of an arrestee and allows judges to deny bail based on probable cause determination of illegal alien status.

Ø Sponsors: Delegates Lingamfelter, Anderson, Athey, Cole, Cox, J.A., Hugo, Landes, Marshall, R.G., Miller, J.H., Poindexter, Robinson and Rust

Ø Status: Failed

Raising kids in a recession...

"Even before the recession, that was more or less true. It's the dirty little secret of every middle-class person in their mid-thirties: Everybody's parents helped them out. Who do you think is paying for all those summer internships? How many new parents do you think actually have enough money for a Bugaboo stroller, let alone a down payment on a first home? And if you don't have a mom or dad who can help with ballet lessons for the kids or family vacations, God help you."

I can identify...my kids can't go to ballet lessons, or any other lessons for that matter, because I don't think I should go beg MY parents to pay for those things. Would they be nice to have? Sure! I'd love my kids to have those opportunities. But we can't afford it. Period. And ask my parents to foot the bill for my vacations? O_o. Seriously? Down payment on a home? Seriously? No, we can't afford vacations or a down payment on a home.....and we live with it. We live with thrift store clothes, ten year old cars, and long afternoons in the backyard with a sprinkler because that's the lot we're given. My husband and I both are vets, hard-working and thrifty, and we can barely scrape by. If we want something, we save a long time for it (like the facelift on our back porch, which was still done with LOTS of thrift store finds and repurposed stuff- and we felt it was a worthwhile investment b/c that's where we'll be spending our "vacations"). And we're still expected to pay on our friggin worthless student loans. Logan's starting his master's next month...will that help him find work? Maybe. Maybe not. And then it will be the most expensive gamble we've ever taken.

Yeah, it can be a crappy life. It's not like the ones we're promised in the "American dream". I have to tell my kids no ALL the time, to lessons of any kind, sports teams, name brand clothes, musical instruments, even most toys. They've learned to play with sticks, rocks, sand, random stuff in the yard, and the older generations (the ones whose kids had ponies and go-carts) tell me, "That's great! It'll build their imaginations!" Yeah, screw you. How can I look at my son playing ball in the yard and recognize he MAY have a great talent but we can't afford to put him on a measly Little League team to develop that talent. Wait for Fall Ball, son, it's free. Play with the other poor kids and have games against the other poor-kid teams, cause that will really hone your skills. I know you can fire a fastball hard enough to pop a board off the fence at age seven....but sorry, your talent has to wait until we can afford it.

We try really, really hard to make smart financial decisions. I feel guilty for paying for the good shampoo that doesn't make my hair look like fried straw like Suave does. Is that the American dream? For two people with college degrees?

And it's not going to get better. I've learned to be thrifty with my eyes closed...cheaper groceries, cheaper clothes, all thrift store, all repurposed, grow your own vegetables, cut meat out of your diet except once a week....and this is how I raise my kids. Am I to tell them to aim for college? Should they even go to college? It's a whole new frontier and we're expected to swallow the fact that we'll NEVER achieve the American dream while learning and inventing a whole new way of life and teach it to our children.

Hey, I'm not trying to be dramatic. I've read "Angela's Ashes"....I know we're not starving to death or having our children die of disease in our arms. I get it. But this isn't the life I was promised, either. If I worked my butt off to get a degree, if I served my country, then I should have a decent life and my children, who sacrificed YEARS of their childhood without their dad while he was continually deployed, definitely deserve a better lot than this.

Instead of giving Congress raises, give veterans raises. Give veterans bonuses. Give teachers, doctors, public servants raises and bonuses. Give them loan forgiveness. Give them a wage that will provide them and their families with a decent lifestyle, not scraping by and denying their children everything.

Read more: http://www.esquire.com/features/young-people-in-the-recession-0412-3#ixzz1qzXdsDWf