So today I was thinking how ridiculously absurd it is for me to even be attempting weight loss right now, on top of everything else....until I weighed myself and noticed four more pounds had gone somewhere. Well. There's that.
To be honest, I've been so distracted/busy that I haven't really eaten terribly much anyway, and I'm not sitting around obsessing about it (most of the time...sometimes I do have crazy cravings but they go away quickly). Food has just been the last thing on my mind lately, most of the time. Anyway, I've had several people send me private messages or emails lately, all of them referencing my blog and why they have been inclined to comment but don't. I encourage comments, feedback, discussion, and even dissent! But I can see how others wouldn't feel appropriate commenting, since many of my posts are very, sometimes too much so, personal. Yet that's the whole point! I'm basically keeping a journal, mostly for me but also for you.
Like I said before, everyone goes through rough crap, whether it be divorce, death of a loved one, nasty friendship-breakup, job loss, move, change, everyone has to deal with it. Most people put their head down and plow through it, with or without drink in hand, and would rather put the whole experience behind them. I've done this for previous hard times and emerge somewhat bewildered as to how I emerged the other side unscathed and yet have burned bridges and lost people along the way. Most times, if not all, it was due to my silence and them not truly knowing the depth of the harrowing experience through which I was trudging and mistaking my silence as anger or resentment or some other mysterious negative energy towards them.
This time, I'm taking the glass house route (please don't throw rocks...it's tacky to complete a cliche). Although, already with being as transparent and painfully open as I can, I've already had people throw up their hands and figuratively huff away. So lesson one has been learned early on in the game: you simply can't, ever, not in any realm, please everyone. OK. Tough for a people-pleaser like me to swallow, but OK. I'll take that in stride. At least it's an early return on my little experiment: even with total transparency, some people really don't give a flying crap what you're going through if it means you can no longer cater to their needs.
Another interesting aspect to this journey and documenting it as a day-by-day process is the ability to go back and see with clarity what I was thinking along the way...what influenced my decisions, how I was feeling, etc. For instance, Logan's been here the past couple of days packing the rest of his stuff and getting his things in order, and, not to go into details, it's been a bold reminder of exactly why we're separating. So I suggest to everyone that may be considering rethinking that recent break-up...lock yourself in a house with the person for a weekend. All the old ugly will come rushing back and you'll both be clawing at the doors ready for release! A good reminder of what a healthy future will look like- in separate domains. Now that I have that recorded for posterity, I shan't make that mistake again.
And now I have to get some sleep- I caved and had a chocolate cupcake and a terrific bike ride, and they gave me the sleepies. Please do keep reading, keep checking in, and if you feel the urge to comment, do so! I'm knowingly and willingly sharing my journey with you...feel free to chime in!
I understand about the spending time with the ex making you realize why you split up in the first place. My ex and I live only blocks from each other, the kids go back and forth between our homes every week, we are in contact a lot. There are times when things seem to be going really well and I think to myself, why did we split up, maybe it was a mistake. Then something happens and I go, oh yeah THAT's why. :)
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