I just re-read my friend Jesse's piece announcing his end of tenure as editor of AltDaily, our local rag in Norfolk, and took the time to digest and contemplate a little (since my initial reaction was a WTF moment).
Jesse's one of those people...you hear about him, both good and bad, he's seemingly everywhere and yet nowhere since you can never quite make contact, and then suddenly you're sitting across the table talking to him over a coffee and you find yourself pushing back all the preconceived notions and just opening up your mind and consciousness to the conversation. I liked what I saw. He's earnest, sometimes zealous, but always, always reaching for higher and higher ground. Reaching and pulling many of us along until we see his bigger picture and say 'Aha!'.
He's a visionary. He saw Norfolk as many of us couldn't.
So...do I want to dictate his life course and tell him to get his ass back up to 757 and keep writing, editing, making AltDaily bigger and better and dragging us all along on his crazy, amazing ride? Yeah! Selfish, yes. But I know what he's feeling and that he needs to go do whatever it is he needs to do to personally evolve on to the next stage of his life, wherever his river takes him, he's got to take that ride. It's not for us to stop anyone on their journey, only enjoy what we share with them along the way and learn as much as we can from their past, and our shared, experiences.
I left Norfolk with very little forethought- I just knew I had reached this bend in the river and I was tired and I knew that I would have family and friends that would help with the kids if I moved back to SC, so I did. It was ridiculously hard, harder than I ever imagined it would be. I'm poorer than I ever thought I would or could possibly be. I am more exhausted than I ever thought I could be. I grossly underestimated the work of being a single mom. I grossly underestimated my ability to find great employment in a new city, where now I'm a nobody fish in a huge pond, er, ocean. I have cried over Norfolk and her sunsets, her people, my friends, my family, more times than is probably prudent to admit. I still miss her achingly. Yet somehow I know that I made the right decision....even if the evidence of that may not have come to full fruition.
Yes, I've met amazing people here. Yes, I've had some wonderful experiences. I'm still working on building and creating the same sustainable lifestyle that I had in VA, which will probably take years to do. But I'm still at a very winding part of my river and can not quite see clearly through the mist around the next bend, and this has become a very taxing and educational part of my journey. I've had to learn and relearn..and relearn...patience and trust. Trust in the greater power of the universe, trust in my own skills and capabilities to provide for my family, trust in the people I choose to invite into my life. These are all the things I want to tell people like Jesse, who are embarking on a radically new stage of their lives....be sure you are aware of the growing pains of such a transition. They can be searingly painful. Choose your path wisely.
I'm reading a book on Buddha and will be sharing a small series based on my reflections after reading each section of the book. I really, really enjoy reading and learning about all forms of religion and self-examination, so I'll just share what I'm reading and learning and you can take from it what you will...I'm grateful for all the feedback and all the texts, messages, and emails that give me so much inspiration and strength to continue rambling on.
As always, in peace, love, and pride,
~m
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