Day Four...mixing paint with emotion...

So today I painted the kitchen table.  We got the table, a really nice one, about five years ago, and the kids have just done horrible things to the top with permanent marker, water spots, scrapes and scratches, so I contemplated refinishing it or painting it white.  I decided on painting it, so Michael and I struggled to carry it outside (cause it's really heavy) and Callie and I slapped on three coats of white paint...WOW, looks like a new table!

I come inside dripping sweat yet happy about our achievement and decided to rest upstairs in the A/C.  A cursory review of Facebook makes my head implode.  OK, so from January to April, Logan worked on the NATO Festival, working especially closely with the Romanian crew.  I never thought anything of it.  One of the [female] interns sent me a friend request at the time and I accepted.  Sooo...apparently through some weird algorithm, Facebook assumed I'd want to see when my soon-to-be ex-husband friended an over-the-top whorish-looking Romanian girl.  THANKS, FACEBOOK.

I didn't need to see that.  I've thought about unfriending Logan, but I figure it's still nice to be able to share pictures of the kids and whatnot, plus we've been surprisingly civil.  Apparently, it's super easy for him to be civil because he's already moved on, which is like twisting the knife.  Oh, boy, it took him a whopping 48 hours to get over our marriage? Maybe 72? Uuuuuuuuuugh.

Side note: the neighbor brought over four bottles of Moscato she had left over from her Memorial Day party...(a) did she read my mind? and (b) I'm trying to avoid the obvious, cliche temptation of drowning my sorrows.  Definitely not the right message to be sending to the kids.  So now, since the car still isn't running, I'm asking friends to run favors in exchange for a bottle of Moscato...LOL. :)  Gotta do what I gotta do.

Yesterday was easy....one of those easy days that kind of makes you think, "Oh, this won't be so bad!" and then days like today come and say, "Ha Ha!  Fooled ya!" But it also kind of reinforces that I was right all along.  I'm Melissa.  I'm real, I'm natural, I'm not a high maintenance woman.  If he needs a woman with huge fake breasts, long fake extensions, hot pink fake nails, all baked on with a fake tan, then more power to him...he can find someone as empty on the inside as, well, as he is. What a sad existence, but if that works for people, maybe he can find some degree of "happiness" in it.  Me? I need real happiness, something with some depth of character, depth of humanity.  But for now,I have to rebuild myself from the inside out from these repeated insults and betrayals.  And I will...I'll rebuild and I'll be fine, I know it.

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SO terrifically thankful for friends to help me out!  I think I mentioned this, but I have to repeat because sometimes when you take maybe an hour or two to do something for someone, you don't think much of it, but it may have been a crucially important thing to that person.  Please remember that.

SO, in order to cheer me up, now I'm going to make a list of things I'm looking forward to:

1) My home being clean...all...the...time.  No dirty socks, dirty dishes laying about, dip spit bottles, dirty carpet, dog hair, I could go on but won't.  My home will finally be clean.

2) Being able to eat a healthy, low-fat diet without having to hear complaints about low-fat foods "tasting bad".  The kids don't mind, I don't mind, my waist sure won't mind!

3) Being able to watch movies NOT starring Van Damme, Sylvester Stallone, or some other 'roided out freak.  Oh, and on the rare chance I want to watch TV, I won't have to run the risk of watching "professional" wrestling.

4) Being able to finally discipline/raise the kids in a consistent manner. 

5) Being able to be unapologetically intelligent: to read what I want, to watch the occasional foreign film, to take the kids to a museum to wander for hours, to play jazz music all day around the house if I want (the clean house...:) ), and to do it without being made to feel like a freak or an elitist.

6) Coming to a point where I can say what I want, without prefacing with "I'm sorry, but..."...basically, being able to speak comfortably and confidently without being made to feel inferior, dumb, or crazy for wanting a civil life.


7) Being able to call my friends and meet up for margaritas or a picnic.  Calling on my family to watch the kids, and actually being able to finally get my hair done (I've cut my hair at home with either scissors or buzzers for a few years now & dyed it out of a box), or maybe just take an afternoon to go on a bike ride or a walk downtown by myself.  I haven't had the luxury of "just dropping the kids off" for ...well, since I've had kids. (!!Yikes!!) 

There....I feel better already! Going to take a shower and hit the hay for another full night of sleep.  Thank you, friends, for continuing to be there...