The faces of sexual assault survival...

(c) Grace Brown, Project Unbreakable
project-unbreakable.org

I came across this link on Facebook and clicked over, thinking I would skim over it quickly and maybe repost.  I then spent almost two hours on the site, reading every single submission.

Project Unbreakable is a project spearheaded by Grace Brown, a photographer who has captured the strength, resiliency, and beauty of women (and some men) who have endured sexual abuse/assault/rape and who share their most terrifying moments but wear the faces of survival and healing. It's an amazing juxtaposition in every photograph- a quote, uttered by her or his attacker/molester/rapist, written on a piece of paper, and held by the survivor. Their faces are strong, sometimes weary, sometimes sad, but never broken.

I was molested and raped for five years of my childhood. It shaped many of my views and attitudes on sex, relationships, love, trust, respect, and beauty. I have always felt flawed and inherently very, very ugly, and that continues to this day.

I haven't shared my story with many people at all over my life. I was shamed by nearly everyone I did tell initially, so I learned quickly that this was not something "good people" talk about and that this is one of those things you lock away and don't bring up.

Seeing Project Unbreakable touched something deep inside me, and I can't quite put my finger on it just yet. I watched the whole SLUTWalk movement from afar, feeling that it was all so hostile, angry, bitter, enraged (as well it should be!), but I feel like I've moved past all of that. Project Unbreakable captured the time after...after you work through the rage, the anger, the initial shock and turmoil, and arrive at a place of healing, acceptance, peace, and quiet strength and resolve.

Being a mom with kids now, I am ridiculously overprotective of them. They do not do sleepovers. If they have playdates, I don't just drop them off...I stay. I supervise bathroom breaks at others' homes, public restrooms, playgrounds, etc. Well, playgrounds are my nightmare, especially crowded ones. Chris [the bf] went with me once and couldn't believe how anxious I became when I couldn't keep a direct line of sight visual on all of the kids at once. I have paid for background checks on neighbors, babysitters, and even their friends' relatives. Only family are allowed to watch them overnight and only extraordinarily trusted family-like friends are allowed to babysit otherwise, and even then, never alone (never one adult alone with the kids).  I also began open dialogue with the kids under the guidance of a therapist to commence and maintain dialogue about our bodies so that they would feel comfortable approaching me should anyone touch or even talk about their privates.

Am I a bit psycho about this?  Maybe, but statistics show that 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 5 boys will be sexually molested, abused, assaulted or raped in his or her lifetime, so if there are any steps I can take to protect my children now while I can, I will.

Even with those statistics and the knowledge that, given those numbers, many of my friends must have endured some form of sexual trauma in their lives, it's still not a conversation many people have among friends. It's OK. I'm not here to force that discussion on anyone. But if you have been through a similar experience, please check out Project Unbreakable at project-unbreakable.org and take some time to examine the photos...read the words, look at the survivor's face, her strength, her courage in participating, and realize that we are all survivors and have the power to heal and move forward. The healing process is truly a lifelong journey, and this project has helped me even more along my path.

~m